A sound pierces my revery. Somewhere downstairs, unheard by human ears, my cell phone is ringing. "She Who Must be Walked" is matching the unanswered phone's ring with an ever rising mournful howl. Not to be left out, the "Cat Alarm" joins the chorus with indignant "meows" adding to her scratches on the bathroom door. Ah, just another morning at my house.
We reluctantly extricate ourselves from the bed, all thoughts of lingering in its deliciousness now banished. As we busy ourselves with morning tasks of tending to the animals, preparing coffee and making plans for the day, I remind my husband that today, December 28th, is the Feast of the Holy Innocents. "What makes one a HOLY Innocent? As opposed to be just an Innocent?" he asked. My quick response was that I didn't know exactly and suggested perhaps he should ask Pastor Kate or Pastor Tom.
You had to ask this!, I think to my myself. This is NOT what I want to think about today. This is NOT what I want to even PRAY about today. I really don't want to go there. Thinking might lead to feeling, feeling the inconsolable Rachel's pain. I don't like this day coming in the middle of my Christmas celebration.
I don't even open my Bible today, it might open to the second chapter of Matthew, which recounts the story of Herod ordering the killing of all male children under two in the town of Bethlehem. Hoping to keep violent acts of rage and fear out of my consciousness, I occupy myself with the task of purchasing a new cell phone. Crossing that item off my to-do list I move on to organizing Sunday's bulletin for printing. I am playing Reggae music loudly. If no one turns on the news I might make it through the day. Maybe there is a good comedy we can watch tonight.
Then I see it, that word, Holy, again. It's there in the Sanctus. Three times, Holy, holy, holy. Changing gears, I read the church office email. Days earlier I'd forwarded to the church email list a prayer for December 28th. Now here in the inbox was a response from a church member asking me to look at the Book of Common Prayer for the collect (prayer) for this day. You know, the one I am trying to avoid, The Feast of the Holy Innocents. Ack! Thanks!
Reluctantly I open the Prayer Book to page 186 and read these words, "We remember this day, O God, the slaughter of the holy innocents of Bethlehem by King Herod. Receive, we pray, into the arms of your mercy all innocent victims; and by your great might frustrate the designs of evil tyrants and establish your rule of justice, love, and peace... " All my attempts at avoiding thinking about Innocents, Holy or otherwise, are gone now. I want justice, love and peace, but I can't have it without remembering (from the Latin remorari: re=again and morari = to be mindful of). I have to move my focus from recoiling over slaughter to again being mindful of victims, perpetrators, tyrants, and inconsolable pain. I believe that God wants us to remember them ALL while we work to establish a rule of justice, love, and peace.
Later, as I lay quietly in bed I re-membered: the children of Darfur, the children of war-torn Syria, the child soldiers of Africa, the children sorting through trash, the children living in poverty in my own country, those killed by Hurricane Sandy, those in the Colorado movie theater, the 26 children and teachers in Newtown, Harrisburg's 12 murder victims this year, Matthew Shepherd and all those killed because they were perceived to be different, young girls whose only crime was to want to learn, my former client Kathi and her likely killer Joseph Miller, my friend Sister Betty and her convicted killer Mark Spotz. The innocent and the not-so innocent, I re-member them all.
Although my husband has long since fallen asleep, I come back around to his morning question about what makes the innocents holy. While we typically associate the word holy with the divine or the sacred, I found that its root is in an Old English word halig, meaning whole or more precisely uninjured, healthy, sound, entire and complete. Perhaps the boy children in Bethlehem were not only holy because of their senseless murder by Herod's rage to find the Christ child, but also because at the time of their murder they were healthy, sound, and complete. The prophet Jeremiah tells of lamentations and bitter weeping. What other response COULD there be?
The Gospel of Matthew ends the story of Herod's murder of the little boys of Bethlehem with a quote from Jeremiah about a weeping Rachel who refuses to be comforted "...because they are no more." Going back to the Old Testament, in the 31st chapter of Jeremiah, I found the prophet goes on to tell me/us:
Perhaps it is in the re-membering, in being mindful of these innocents, that I/we make them Holy. Maybe it is the act of remembrance before God that restores them, and by extension us, to wholeness and entirety.
- Keep your voice from weeping,
- and your eyes from tears;
- for there is a reward for your work,
- says the LORD:
- they shall come back from the land of the enemy;
- there is hope for your future,
- says the LORD:
- your children shall come back to their own country.
And what then of the perpetrators, the abusers, the killers, the torturers, the murders? Why should I re-member them? I have struggled to forgive them. Is that not enough? But then I remember - their mothers weep also, because their children too, are no more. In the middle of this joyous Christmas season, I realize that I am broken, as well! Maybe my act of remembrance of them before God, restores the killers among us (and the rage and fear within us) to wholeness. All shall be well again.
I take a deep breath, re-member them all, let the emotions flow through me. Another deep breath and I am finally ready to allow sleep to come. "...for there is reward for your work...there is hope for your future..." Amen. Come Lord Jesus.
